Islam Question and Answer - She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

Wed 12/7/1434 - 22/5/2013

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Etiquette, Morals and Heart-Softeners » Character and Morals » Bad behaviour » Love and the steps that lead to immoral actions
Etiquette, Morals and Heart-Softeners » Manners » Relationships between the two genders

She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

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I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab.. This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying my best to become a better muslim
Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other .. i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina.. i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th
he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible
unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh..
and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore.. so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt talk to girls anymore.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all the steps that may lead to falling into something haraam are forbidden, even if they are permitted in principle. This is what the scholars call “preventing the means (that lead to haraam).”

The basic principle of sharee’ah is that when Allaah forbids a thing, He also forbids the ways and means that lead to it, so that it may indeed be forbidden.

We are happy when we hear of or see someone who has come back to Allaah and to His religion after having lost their way, but at the same time we fear that the Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from following guidance and making them go astray again.

Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who asked this question and for her former friend who has also repented. Hence we cannot condone her idea of getting back in touch with the one with whom she had a relationship before she was guided, even if that is on the basis of wanting to get married according to sharee’ah.

For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a person with whom it is not permissible for her to be in touch leads to evil consequences which are obvious to any wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We have already posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on this issue. See questions no. 23349, 20949and 10221.

Secondly:

With regard to the answer to your question, which may be summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man or to tell him that she wants to marry him? The answer is that in sharee’ah the word khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman. See question no. 20069.

If a woman wants to marry some man, there is nothing wrong with her sending someone whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts to offer her in marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and saw his good attitude and trustworthiness, and wanted to marry him. So she sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage, and he agreed to marry her.

Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this question: If you want to marry this young man, and he has a good attitude and is religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with suggesting marriage to him through a trustworthy relative of yours.

You should avoid getting in touch with him or with any other non-mahram men, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that.

And Allaah knows best.

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